Not a huge amount to mention here events-wise at the moment, but there's been a couple of introspections and realisations that I thought I'd write down.
Winning & Losing
I'm not sure how long this one has been in play (wow, what an amazing pun. Laura, I blame you!) but it finally hit me while talking to Laura after a Swordcraft game a couple of weeks ago.
When it comes to games and matches and such, I no longer care about losing.
Considering what I used to be like, that's pretty big. I've always been competitive (and I'm pretty sure that at this moment, both of my parents are adding "And you were a little shit when you lost too" to that statement) and no matter what the match/game/challenge was like I always hated it when I lost.
Now though... I just don't care.
Don't get me wrong, getting taken out of the match early/getting easily clobbered/being outmatched still frustrate me, but not because I've lost, because it's boring. Crushing someone else with no challenge is nearly as bad.
But in terms of actual outcome? As long as I enjoyed myself, it's all good.
Knockout tournaments still present a bit of a problem, since you have to win in order to be allowed to keep playing, but for things like Swordcraft, where when one side wins you just reset and keep going? Don't care anymore!
I know, seems like the kind of thing that's drilled into kids all their life, but the whole "It's not that you won or lost, but how you played the game" thing is something I've always struggled with.
Limits
This one isn't quite so nice, and could be considered a backslide in some ways.
In the past, whenever I've copped a hit or clobbering of some kind I've never really had a.. mental reaction, for want of a better term, to it. Or when I have, I've been able to shove it aside and ignore it.
This.. seems to have slipped a bit.
Ok, specifics.
Last week at Swordcraft (isn't it amazing how many of my posts, ideas and realisations start with "After the last time I ran around an oval beating people with foam weaponry and shouting at the top of my lungs while one or two hundred others try and kill me" ?) I copped a sword thrust directly into the left eye, shoving my contact lense off my eye and seriously ruining my night (didn't help that the guy who did it briefly said "are you ok", and when I said "no" and walked off the fielding clutching my face he just ignored me and went back to fighting. He's now been.. spoken to.. by three players and a ref about both his unsafe fighting and pathetic sportsmanship).
I could easily recognise the.. kind of disconnected apathy that I had afterwards that meant I just couldn't not get into the rest of the night, and very nearly just walked off and didn't come back, but whereas before I'd normally be able to shove that feeling aside and get back into the game, this time I just.. couldn't.
I'm not sure if it's because it was an *eye* shot (head and face shots haven't bothered me much) and therefore something more severe than I'd normally taken, or if maybe the whole lowering/breaking of emotional/mental barriers that happened a few months ago means that I'm just no longer as good at blocking things out.
Not really anything with much of a resolution there, but I figured it was worth mentioning nonetheless.
Back & Neck Pain
Thought I'd give an update on this one. I'm going my physio-mandated exercises at work, and keeping up with my usual activities. My back is now perfectly fine.. probably four days out of a week, slight twinges one day, and moderate ones the other two.
Haven't yet figured out a reason for when it's more painful than other times, but it's a massive step better than it was, and getting better.
My shoulder on the other hand is still having a few issues, though I'm not 100% sure if it's because my neck muscles especially are still tight, or if I've just had a bit of atrophy happen due to using it less. I suspect a combination.
Either way, things definitely on the improve in that area :)
Anyways, I think that's about it for this entry :)
Hope everyone is keeping well!!
Winning & Losing
I'm not sure how long this one has been in play (wow, what an amazing pun. Laura, I blame you!) but it finally hit me while talking to Laura after a Swordcraft game a couple of weeks ago.
When it comes to games and matches and such, I no longer care about losing.
Considering what I used to be like, that's pretty big. I've always been competitive (and I'm pretty sure that at this moment, both of my parents are adding "And you were a little shit when you lost too" to that statement) and no matter what the match/game/challenge was like I always hated it when I lost.
Now though... I just don't care.
Don't get me wrong, getting taken out of the match early/getting easily clobbered/being outmatched still frustrate me, but not because I've lost, because it's boring. Crushing someone else with no challenge is nearly as bad.
But in terms of actual outcome? As long as I enjoyed myself, it's all good.
Knockout tournaments still present a bit of a problem, since you have to win in order to be allowed to keep playing, but for things like Swordcraft, where when one side wins you just reset and keep going? Don't care anymore!
I know, seems like the kind of thing that's drilled into kids all their life, but the whole "It's not that you won or lost, but how you played the game" thing is something I've always struggled with.
Limits
This one isn't quite so nice, and could be considered a backslide in some ways.
In the past, whenever I've copped a hit or clobbering of some kind I've never really had a.. mental reaction, for want of a better term, to it. Or when I have, I've been able to shove it aside and ignore it.
This.. seems to have slipped a bit.
Ok, specifics.
Last week at Swordcraft (isn't it amazing how many of my posts, ideas and realisations start with "After the last time I ran around an oval beating people with foam weaponry and shouting at the top of my lungs while one or two hundred others try and kill me" ?) I copped a sword thrust directly into the left eye, shoving my contact lense off my eye and seriously ruining my night (didn't help that the guy who did it briefly said "are you ok", and when I said "no" and walked off the fielding clutching my face he just ignored me and went back to fighting. He's now been.. spoken to.. by three players and a ref about both his unsafe fighting and pathetic sportsmanship).
I could easily recognise the.. kind of disconnected apathy that I had afterwards that meant I just couldn't not get into the rest of the night, and very nearly just walked off and didn't come back, but whereas before I'd normally be able to shove that feeling aside and get back into the game, this time I just.. couldn't.
I'm not sure if it's because it was an *eye* shot (head and face shots haven't bothered me much) and therefore something more severe than I'd normally taken, or if maybe the whole lowering/breaking of emotional/mental barriers that happened a few months ago means that I'm just no longer as good at blocking things out.
Not really anything with much of a resolution there, but I figured it was worth mentioning nonetheless.
Back & Neck Pain
Thought I'd give an update on this one. I'm going my physio-mandated exercises at work, and keeping up with my usual activities. My back is now perfectly fine.. probably four days out of a week, slight twinges one day, and moderate ones the other two.
Haven't yet figured out a reason for when it's more painful than other times, but it's a massive step better than it was, and getting better.
My shoulder on the other hand is still having a few issues, though I'm not 100% sure if it's because my neck muscles especially are still tight, or if I've just had a bit of atrophy happen due to using it less. I suspect a combination.
Either way, things definitely on the improve in that area :)
Anyways, I think that's about it for this entry :)
Hope everyone is keeping well!!
